well, everyone..  a lot has been happening in the past two weeks.  It all culminated this morning.

Long story short:

 

After a long, sleepless night..and much thinking..  Bruce and I met with Dr Jazz this morning.

We saw the PET scan and there actually was some good news = the big, nasty tumor that impacts my heart appears to be dead.  It didn’t light up at all.

There is another one, though, that was very ‘hot’ and is now impacting my heart from behind and underneath  ..  as well as three other large tumors that have areas of necrosis, but where they are growing is very ‘hot’.

This means aggressive cells.  They initially began to die with the Ifosfamide, but a sub-set of cells became resistant to the chemo and grew through the onslaught. That is a very bad sign and signals that there is nothing to tamp their growth down.

The Ifosfamide was the cannon..  and now the tumors have reduced it’s effectiveness (as well as other treatments) to that of a pistol.  That was how Dr Jazz described what is happening, in simple terms

For the fact that the tumors sprang into war, so soon after the nice shrink I had in December, shows without doubt that sarcoma has won.  There is nothing more to fight with.  If the tumors had remained stable.. there was some hope.  No longer is there..  it simply came through the chemo with a mean determination and is unbeatable.

My fight is over.

I may have three or four months.  I could throw something at it but it will only cost me time, feeling sick.  Besides that, there is nothing left to throw..  nothing with a cannon’s power.

Please do not assume I have given up hope…I am accepting reality.  I have listened, I have learned, and I have no doubt.  I have ceased all treatment.

I choose to spend my remaining time without further additional stress and discomfort of treatment that cannot help me.

Bruce needed this discussion with Dr Jazz more so than I.  I knew it was over when Dr called me last evening.  Bruce agrees that to continue is futile.

In the future, there may be radiation but only palliative.  If I have terrible pain, we can radiate the bastard to give me relief.

From here on..  I intend to enjoy, to laugh, and to Live It Up